Intimacy Cadre

Intimacy Playground FAQ

May 5-7, 2023, at Boulder Hot Springs, outside Boulder, Montana, we are hosting our Intimacy Cadre weekend workshop. Here you can get answers to many of your questions about the workshop and logistics.

See below for the information we think you need to know. Of course, you can contact us or write to intimacycadre@gmail.com for anything we have not covered here. If this looks good and you want to join us, register for the event!

Navigate to the following FAQ areas:

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About the Workshop

The short answer: Our "Intimacy Playground" weekend workshop is where individuals and couples will be invited to have fun exploring intimacy using the playground equipment of communication, breath, movement, and sound.

The long answer: The word "intimacy" conjures up many meanings. Lots of people associate "intimacy" strictly with sex, and so some may think an "intimacy playground" is a place where we will be exploring sex and perhaps playing with it. What we (Dee Elle and Jim) mean by intimacy is much broader. To us, intimacy is deeply seeing and knowing whomever you are being intimate with (self, lover, friend, child, community) while also being deeply seen and known. That concept includes sexuality, but it also includes a lot more – basically all that it is to be us.

Therefore, we will be focused on practices related to reciprocal deep seeing and knowing, and we want these practices to be rooted in playfulness because it is the willingness to play that opens the heart and body to intimacy. We will play with foundational intimacy practices, centered around communication, but also the three keys of breath, movement, and sound that we believe open ourselves to a greater relationship with ourselves and others. And, yes, sexuality will be part of what we discuss, and sexual energy will be something we work with, but there will be no nudity (though clothing is optional in the women's pool and steam room room) and no explicitly sexual practices at this workshop.
The Intimacy Playground weekend workshop is brought to you by the Intimacy Cadre, which is the community in Bozeman, Montana, that we are creating. No one has to be involved with the Intimacy Cadre community to come to this workshop. Everyone interested in a week of fun and better understanding ourselves and others is welcome to attend!
No! While you certainly may bring a partner and where a fair amount of work will be done in pairs or small groups, you do not need to bring your partner or to have a partner to attend. It definitely can be an edge for people coming alone to an intimacy workshop, and so if you are or are thinking about attending and have any anxiety or questions related to your participation (either with or without a partner), we would love to talk with you. You can either contact us through the web or email us at intimacycadre@gmail.com.
We will work with all solo people at the workshop on it and work with everyone's preferences so that we can come to consensus. Remember that this is not a sex workshop, and there is nothing explicitly sexual, though there will be some invitations that may involve dance, massage, and other non-sexual physical contact. You have taken a brave step as a person coming alone, and each step of the way, check in with yourself what you are willing to do or not do. And we will honor and celebrate your boundaries whatever they are.
No, if you prefer to come with someone, you can sign up with anyone you'd like. Between the two of you, no matter your relationship status, you can decide whether you want to exclusively partner with that person or whether you are open to partnering at the workshop with others during the appropriate playground activities. We totally leave that up to you.
We ask that you consent as part of your participation that you are present for the entire workshop, barring some sort of emergency. That is not the same as to say that we are requiring you to do any of the activities in the workshop. You always have the option to say "No" to any activity we are doing and not participate. However, not participating and not being present are two different things. We will support you in however you need to take space, but we ask that your energy remain present with the group and that you do not leave or withdraw from the workshop without letting us know. Obviously, we cannot enforce anything. We trust you, but this is our desire and what we are asking for.
Yes! Intimacy work involves being able to understand and clarify your desires, fears, and boundaries. However, it also involves being able to accept and appreciate another person's boundaries all while being able to assert your own. Therefore, while we'd love you to participate in all our activities, we only want that participation if you consent to it. If you tell us "no," you are practicing a key lesson of intimacy, of getting to know you more deeply. Therefore, we not only respect your "no," we actually honor and cherish it. You will be backed up and supported however you need, and one of us at the workshop can assist you, though only if you desire it.
Yes! While we (Jim and Dee Elle) have a heterosexual relationship and admit our own limited vantage that our perspective brings, this event aims to be queer friendly. In building a community in Bozeman (the Intimacy Cadre), our hope is to become just other members of a larger and more diverse community with many who step forward and lead by sharing their perspectives or offering workshops that we will support.
As mentioned, you can say "no" whenever you want to say "no" to an activity. Much of our work will be in pairs or small groups, but there will also be some larger group activity with various degrees of invitation toward intimacy. It is hard work and not easy for many people. It can be hard enough with our loved ones let alone strangers. So, you can say "no" if it really is a "no," but we invite you to look at what a "yes" might be for you. We have found in our workshops that there is a power when strangers discover that they are all wanting the same thing – intimacy – that is, to deeply know and deeply see while being deeply known and seen.

And we are here to support you however you need to be supported. If something is too much for you, it's too much. If something is difficult but not too much, then let's see if we can make it fun and enjoyable. At some point, there will no doubt be an edge, some place that makes you uncomfortable. That is the nature of intimacy, but if you trust us, we'll do everything we can to make sure we have as much fun as possible pushing into and perhaps over that edge, increasing your comfort zone, and making you more open to intimacy.
Oh yes, there will be a lot of movement practices, including many invitations to dance. For anyone afraid of dancing, particularly in a room full of others, or certain that you cannot dance, obviously taking note of that and exploring why you don't dance is one of the points of the workshop – that we better know ourselves and what we are and are not. As always, you can say "no." However, just note that what we mean by dancing and what you mean may not be the same.

What we mean by dancing is any intentional movement that is outside the ways you normally move your body. That is, you could just be wigging your fingers or toes, and that could have the intention of dance. So, even if you are physically unable to do what most people call dancing, you can dance even if all you move are your eyes or lips. Moreover, we are not doing any dancing that requires the need to learn dance steps.

So, by our definition, everyone can dance. The only question is whether you choose to do that with other people around, which you may not choose for all kinds of reasons. Just know that we will support your decision. If that answer to whether you will dance might be a "yes," we know that movement, especially dance, is a key aspect to opening up intimacy. If you want to know more why we think so, consider listening to our podcast on the topic.
It happens! We are going to do everything we can to have fun, but it may not be fun the whole time. However, if you are generally not having fun, please talk with us. Let's see what we can do to make it more fun for you. Let us know before the workshop what you want and what would be fun for you, and we'll see if we can make it happen. And if it's not fun for reasons outside our control, we will be here to support you. You may still have meaningful growth toward intimacy even if you aren't having fun.
Before participating, we ask that you consent to protect the confidentiality of other participants unless you get their permission to talk about their experiences; however, feel free to talk about your own experiences.
While sexuality is a key aspect of intimacy, we will not be engaging in any nudity or explicit sexual practice. At Boulder Hot Springs, nudity is only permitted in the women's pool section (there is no men's section; the rest of the hot springs is co-ed). However, we will be open to exploring the topics of sexuality as a conversation item, and we will be doing practices around moving sexual energy. Sexual energy exercises will be solo practices mostly involving breath and will not involve any genital touch (we'll explain at the workshop!) and will also involve some movement and sound. There could be massage or other activities that involve some physical contact, but none of those activities will be explicitly sexual, and everyone is always encouraged to opt out when they have a clear "no" in them. Remember that intimacy is about much more than sexuality, and we will be exploring it holistically.
We are not associated with any religious belief system or spiritual worldview, though certainly we each have our beliefs and worldviews. If you want to know more about them, check out the About page of this website. Yes, we will be talking about chakras and moving energy through a chakra system,; therefore, our own personal spiritual beliefs are sure to come out. However, no one needs to believe in a chakra or anything else we say either before or after the workshop to practice intimacy. All one needs to be open to is a weekend practice that makes use of that terminology, and in that practice, you can discover what works or does not work for you and interpret why it does or doesn't through your own lens. In fact, we encourage that. Our worldview entails that you do not simply trust our worldview, that you discover things for yourself. Your freedom is of utmost importance to us, and that is our worldview.
Besides all the information in all the other responses and all the information you can find on our website, just know that we'd love to talk with you – if you are open and willing – prior to the workshop just to get to know you better. Intimacy is not simply something we do workshops on; we want the experience to be as intimate as possible for you and us alike. The better we understand and care about each other, the more powerful the workshop can be. Obviously, that is up to you, but we are willing to give our time, either with one or both of us. If you'd like to talk with us, please contact us or send us an email at intimacycadre@gmail.com. Yes, this is us, and we are the only ones who read these emails. And there is no additional cost for talking with us either before or after the workshop.

 

Workshop Logistics

Tentative Itinerary (Subject to Adjustment 🙂 )
Friday, May 5
3-5 PM Check-In
5-6 Dinner
6-10 Opening Session

Saturday, May 6
7-8 AM Morning Meditation
8-9 Breakfast
9-Noon Morning Session
Noon-4 PM Lunch and Break/Hot Springs
4-5 Afternoon Session
5-6 Dinner
6-10 Evening Session

Sunday, May 7
7-8 AM Morning Meditation
8-9 Breakfast
9-Noon Closing Session
Noon-1 PM Lunch
Total fee breakdown:
Workshop ($325 per person)
Lodging ($50-$324 per person)
Food ($130 per person)
Total: $505-$779 per person

The fee for just the workshop is $325 per person. If money is an issue for you, whether you can pay in part or in whole, please let us know. If you can pay extra for someone else, let us know.

Additionally, because our schedule is packed, because we want people to eat together – as the informal aspects of the workshop are very important to us – and because Boulder Hot Springs is relatively isolated from other places, we highly recommend staying and eating at Boulder Hot Springs.

Here are options for people who staying at the Hot Springs.

Guest and B&B Rooms at Boulder Hot Springs: There are 17 guest rooms and 12 B&B rooms currently available by reservation only at a special group rate. The rooms accommodate from one to four overnight guests depending on which room it is. All rooms have sinks in them. Some of the rooms have private baths, and others share a common bathroom down the hall. Guest Rooms cost $80-$95 per night for single accommodations and $110-$120 per night for double accommodations. More elegant B&B rooms are available for $120-$130 for single accommodations and $140-$150 for double accommodations. All of the rooms include use of the geothermal pools and steam rooms, and are taxed at 8% for the Montana Lodging Tax.

Camping at Boulder Hot Springs: Create your own campsite in back of the building or up in the trees. Tents and campers are welcome; however, there are no hookups. Camping fees are $25 per night per person, including use of the bathhouse and building facilities (yes, that does mean access to the hot springs!)

Meals are $65 per day and therefore for two full days of meals (six meals – Friday dinner-Sunday lunch), totaling $130.

How to pay: For the $325 per person workshop fee, you can pay Dee Elle and Jim directly on the registration page for the site or separately make arrangements for payment. For lodging and accommodations, Boulder Hot Springs asks that you contact them directly at 406-225-4339. Tell them that you are with the Intimacy Playground workshop to make your reservation. You pay Boulder Hot Springs onsite during your stay.
Boulder Hot Springs will serve (dinner Friday, three meals Saturday, and breakfast and lunch on Sunday), buffet style. They will take care of set-up, as well as clean up and dishes. Meal fees are $65 a day per person ($130 for the workshop). Boulder Hot Springs will gladly handle special dietary requests if you give them or us advance notice.
Strictly speaking no, but we strongly encourage meals together. Because this is an intimacy workshop, we want to practice it, and very little is more intimate than sharing meals with fellow workshop participants. Moreover, for most meals, there isn't much time for meals between sessions, making it very difficult to go eat elsewhere. However, we are not requiring any activity as part of our workshop. Your boundary is not only respected, it is celebrated.
One of the highlights of a stay at Boulder Hot Springs is soaking or swimming in the spring-fed pools. The outdoor swimming pool is kept seasonally temperate – warmer in winter and cooler in summer.

Three-tiled indoor pools, with changing and shower areas, offer separate soaking facilities for women (every other pool is co-ed) in healing geothermal waters. Back in 1910, Helena chemist Emil Starz found the water from Boulder Hot Springs to contain some of the earth’s most beneficial medicinal salts, thought to be effective in treating many physical conditions. And, they still do today. Water flows from the ground at temperatures between 140° and 160° F and is kept at approximately 104°-106° in the baths. Plunges are open to campers and room guests seven days a week. If you have any health issues, please consult with a medical advisor you trust before entering the water.

There are three pools and two steam rooms. Women have access to all pools, and men have access to everything but the women's pool and the women's steam room. Nudity is permitted in the women's section, though not in any co-ed section. If you are camping or paying for a room, access to the pools is included with the cost.

We will be taking an extra long break on Saturday afternoon (May 6) so that you have sufficient time to soak. You may also soak if you arrive early for registration.

If by chance you forget your swimsuit or towels, they are available for rent for $1 per swimsuit and/or towel.
Boulder Hot Springs borders the national forest, and the trails from the retreat center extend into the national forest. If soaking isn't your thing, or if you don't take all your extended Saturday break to bathe, consider a hike. Beyond that, there are games in the lobby, or you could consider driving to nearby Boulder.
Ugh, unfortunately not, which is a problem for us, too! Pets are not permitted anywhere on the premises, even if you are camping by tent or camper.
Do bring:
  • Swimsuits for the outdoor pool and indoor co-ed pools
  • Personal items and toiletries, including towels
  • Light shoes or slippers for indoor use
  • Objects for a sacred space ceremony
  • Fun outfit for Saturday evening session
  • Notebook, pens, pencils, etc.
  • A blanket
  • A blindfold or something to cover your eyes
  • A comfortable cushion for seating and/or a yoga mat

    • Do not bring: The following are not allowed on the premises:
  • Matches, candles, incense, fire of any kind
  • Anything you would smoke
  • Pets
    • We are not sure, but we are aiming for 20-24 people (with a maximum of 24 participants). While there will be some large group activities, many activities will either be partner or smaller group activities.
    If you need a ride, please contact us. We will figure out a way for you to attend.
    No, Boulder Hot Springs is not off the grid, and internet and phone is available. However, we ask that you not use your cell phone while in workshop session.
    Yes! If you want to help us get out the word, we can use all the help we can get! Here is a printable PDF flyer.

    Sound good? Register Here.